My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
