Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
