you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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