The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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