It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
