You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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