i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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