I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
