We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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