upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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