he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
