We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
