I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize