What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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