I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
