1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
