Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
