Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
