I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
