You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
