it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
