I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
