My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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