Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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