While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
