I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
