A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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