Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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