im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
