he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
