tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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