I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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