so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
