I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
