Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we're making bets on your personal life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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