I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
