Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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