we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
