His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
