I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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