you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can I color on your dick again?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
