you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
