I accidentally had phone sex last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
