if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
