Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
