You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
