I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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