The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
