Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
