She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
