you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
