Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
