I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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