You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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