Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
